Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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