What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
