mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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