i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize