she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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