Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
