you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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