Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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