Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
