Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
