please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize