Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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