guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
