So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize