I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize