Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
