my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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