Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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