I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
