I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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