he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
