That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
