Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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