this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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