Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
