just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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