I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
