Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
