Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
