I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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