she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Even the bartender felt bad for me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
