So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's never too late to be topless.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
