i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
