if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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