Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize