Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
