I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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