so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
