why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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