HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
