apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
