R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
