So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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