Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
