i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
