there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
