I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
