No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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