I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
