Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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