she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
