guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
