Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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