I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
