The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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