I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
