whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
