her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
