Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
