my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
