you guys were way drunker than both of me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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