apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
