good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
BRING THE BAGELS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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