i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
