Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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