i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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