Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize