I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
