I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize