I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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