i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize