I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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