Sry I called you an 8
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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