I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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