so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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